Evans Kuuyigr serves us this intriguing write up, bet you will enjoy it…
TRIALS OF A BLACK BOY
My name is Kwesi and I’m here to tell my story. It has been tough and hard in this journey called LIFE. In my short span of life, I have faced already a whole lot of bad situations. I remember way back when I was a naïve boy, I was slapped by a soldier for ‘stealing’ mangoes from a mango tree in his house. In Senior High School (SHS), I was known to be a ruffian, a talkative, someone who flaunted rules regularly and as a result, I was always getting punished. But with all these I was still the boy my parents raised me to be. The principles I had instilled in me so deep I could follow them even in my sleep. I was taught a lot by my parents to help me succeed in this life. Felt like I was being given some kind of guide to follow, but the fact is that there is no guide to follow in life. All the choices you make, good or bad alike are all part of who you are. They all constitute and come together to form the person you would turn out to be. Believe me you when I say I have made a whole lot of wrong choices, much more than good ones.
I’ve been rejected, I’ve been treated with disdain, I’ve been mocked at, ridiculed at, I’ve been hated at, I’ve been insulted, I’ve been hurt a lot, to cut it short I’ve been through hell. Now with all these this should have been it for me, I should have given up after all this, but NO. I did not get stronger either, I just got used to it. The pain and the hurt all became routine. It became so normal I felt like maybe that was my purpose in life. To be the object at which someone would ridicule at. I started to absorb the pain, to keep it in me. All the hurt bottled up. I was never angry at anyone, I just did not care anymore. In fact, no one has ever seen me angry till date. I discovered a way of channeling all my pain, hurt and anger into a smile. My smile. Whatever the situation, whoever the person was, be sure to see me smiling. I had a smile for every occasion. Insult me and you would see me smiling, hurt me and I would smile, I smile even when I am angry and that’s when my smile is brightest. I found a friend, or should I say I made one. We became best friends and he knew me all about me but did not know me. Because I had learned the art of sharing only what I wanted to share with him about me. Yes, we fooled a lot, and did a whole other bunch of stuff together. He knew my every movement, but he did not know what was happening inside me, the turmoil I was in. I needed someone to talk to desperately, but I had learned very early in life not to trust people. I needed to open up myself to someone, anyone. For someone to hear my cries for help. I needed someone to support me because I had been carrying my burden for so long it had started to weigh me down.
Then I fell in love (or so I thought) and I was happy finally and relieved that I had found someone as beautiful as she to share my world, to share my whole self with. But as it would turn out, life or fate would play me for a fool and she would leave me, with the excuse that she couldn’t cope with the distance between us and that I was a liar. Well yes, I lied, sometimes, because even though I wanted to open up I was still scared. And so, I lied. But you can’t blame me here, this was my first time experiencing such a thing and well, considering all that I have been through, yes, I was scared and tentative to trust her. And so, I lied, sometimes, to hide the truth.
But anyway, I was alone once again, with no idea as to how to move forward. But then as an act of consolation, karma would help me find people who would help me get through my experience. Family and friends alike. But now I know I have met her, the girl of my dreams. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Others would think or say otherwise, and I have no problem with that. In fact, I respect their views because that is their own opinion of her. But to me, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She is wonderful, intelligent, funny, gorgeous, colored to compliment my dark color and sexy. She is someone I’m comfortable being with. She is the one I’ve opened up to, the one I trust and believe in totally, the one I confide in. She doesn’t judge me no matter the situation. She has accepted me for the broken, battered boy that I am. There are no secrets between us, well, no secrets from me. Because I’m done keeping everything under the shadows. She is that ray of sunshine I desperately needed in my life. I really hope she, this, is the real deal because I don’t know how I’ll recover if it turns out not to be. I hope I make her as happy as she makes me. I am confused, and my life is a jumble, a mess most of the time but I want to find myself with her, and she wants to help me to. I hope I treat her well, that I don’t hurt her and that she doesn’t get lost herself in trying to help me. I don’t want to lose her. I want her to proud of me. I want her to know that I love her with all her flaws and imperfections. That no matter the situation I will support and cherish and be there for her through it all. I will stand by her and do good by her, for her and with her. I don’t want to get played, because I have never loved as hard and as strong as this before. I’ll sink back into oblivion if this is all just a game and I am the pawn. It would be disastrous
I don’t want her to feel as though she owes me any allegiance by staying with me just because I love her. Regardless if she doesn’t feel the same as I do now or in the future, she should just let me know. I have become so adept with carrying my pain and hurt around that what is one more to add? We’ll be great together and I know everything would be just fine. Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted as to how this all turns out. But till then fingers crossed and hoping for the best.
Before I go though, I just have a little advice for you. Always be good to whoever you meet. You may never know whose day you are making brighter or to whose burden, hurt or struggles you are adding on always look for the good in everyone you meet. Make it your goal. Everyone has a bad side, there is a skeleton in everyone’s closet, but that doesn’t make them bad. Don’t judge them using that. A lot of us have been destroyed and are being haunted by our past. No single one of us is perfect. Look to helping people overcome their hurt and burden, aim to be that ray of sunshine in their lives. Believe me when I tell you that your smile holds a lot of power. It’s not for sale too, at least a smile to the person next to you is all he or she needs to be encouraged to press on. Smile more often and learn to accept your mistakes. Make sure that today you are better than yesterday and at the same time make sure you infect everyone else with a bit of your happiness too. Trust me, your life would become so much easier and simple if you learn to begin to see the good in everyone else and make them happy.
Let me say this though, this is not for you to feel pity for me. It’s just what I have experienced so far, and I hope you get some lessons out of it. Remember, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS takes a lot of lives everyday. Be the change and lets all help fight against it.
Once again, my name is Kwesi, and these are my trials of life.
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